Daddy Day Care (2003)

I think I need to predicate this review by saying something I know will probably loose me some followers. I don't think Eddie Murphy is funny.I think he has (some) good movies, yes. But honestly, the characters he plays in any movie could be played by ANYONE else who was even the slightest bit relevant at the time.

I do like (most of) Eddie's standup, but even that I have to take in small amounts.

So anyway, let's look at 2003's crapfest Daddy Day Care (and maybe one day look at the even crappier sequel)

We open with Eddie Murphy (Charlie) at his job, where he is a product developer of some sort, and is trying out a new vegetable flavored breakfast cereal, and then wonders why the kids turn on him in his big giant stalk of broccoli suit. No, seriously. I don't even have kids, and I know how dumb of an idea it is to even try that. AND, Charlie has a kid. I guess it would make somewhat sense, if he was childless, but he's not. And, how did he manage to "catch" Regina King?

Because "vegetable o's" was such a big flop, Charlie and Phil (Jeff Garlin, who I have never found to be funny, ever). Get laid off, and eventually decide to open up a "Daddy Day Care" Center, because the one led by Mrs. Gwenneth Harridan is too expensive on one income. Oh, and Mrs. Gwenneth Harridan is played by Anjelica Houston, who I really like....but I wonder how in the world she got roped into this....well, to be fair...she was in the Addams Family movie(s), which let's be honest...might be a guilty pleasure, but compared to the tv show (which I loved growing up, because I swear...I was born in the wrong decade) they suck.

But I digress. I will say one bright part to this movie is Siobhan Fallon, as Peggy. (She was most recently Fred's mom, in both Camp Fred, and Fred the tv show...but probably even more notably for her work on SNL from 1991-1992, and she was also the bus driver in Forest Gump...remind to make a review of what I don't like that movie. ) But even she's only in it for about 3 minutes. and there's also Max Burkholder, who you might recognize from NBC's "Parenthood". But Max Burkholder got a rather sucky role, as most children do.

I feel like this movie was "Let's see how many nut shots we can cram into one movie".

So, they open the daycare center, after people stop freaking out about the fact it's 2 guys....and everything goes haywire the first day. Yeah, I'd leave my kids with these goons.

The first day, as you could expect goes crazy, children climbing on drapes, managing to work large pieces of machinery (a riding lawn mower)..and just all around crazy. And how to two parents, not know that large amounts of sugar would cause the kids the explode with hyperness? Seriously, are you that stupid? Apparently.

When Mrs. Harridan's school starts to drop in attendance, she makes an anonymous complaint to children services, but Charlie and Phil manage to get everything up to code within about 6 hours.

As someone who taught Pre-k for awhile, I find it rather insulting. Not just that scene, but this whole movie in general. But hey, it's Eddie Murphy, so I wasn't exactly expecting gold, especially given where in career was in 2003.

There's also a poop scene, where Phil's kid has diarrhea but misses, so does the joke of Charlie freaking out about his bathroom to the "shower scene" music from "Psycho"

 The comedy here, doesn't work. It tries. But I honestly can't tell if it tries too hard, or doesn't try enough. It fails, almost on a level of "Master of Disguise." And to be completely, MoD works better, it got a few smirks from me. DDC has yet to make me even smirk, and we're roughly an hour into the film. But if you consider the fact that our director, Steve Carr also directed Paul Blart: Mall Cop. It's not a stretch that DDC wouldn't be very funny.

Okay, moving on.

Enter Marvin, played by Steve Zahn (who has his funny moments in the film, but I wouldn't watch the film, specifically for his humor). He's from the business that Charlie and Phil got laid off from, and stops by...to...plot convenience, I suppose.

Charlie and Phil now have 11 kids under they're care, and regulations can't allow more than 5 kids per adult, so they hire Marvin, or they shut the business down, but letting Mrs Harridan win, the professional, would be a crime. So, Marvin agrees.

One of the mothers, honestly...I can't keep them apart, so...mother #1 stops by to write a check, "Dreamweaver" plays in the background, which is the universal sign for love. Here is what I mean by failed comedy.

Mom #1: *talking to Marvin* Are you the new daddy?
Marvin: I'm your daddy......*awkward pause*....I'm not your Daddy, I'm your baby's daddy...*awkward pause*.....I'm not your baby's daddy, but I will be...I'm...uhh....
Phil: You're Marvin.

It just doesn't work, at. all.

and for our next bit of failed comedy, they finally start to get their act together, with the help of Marvin, and a "focus group" and have a pet show and tell day, well..one of the little girls, again, I can't keep them apart. So, girl #1...brings a tarantula, and...you guessed it, it goes missing....and...you guessed it.....Phil finds it on his head. and...you guessed it....a lot of running around in panic ensues. The only time I have ever seen the tarantula gag work, was in the first Home Alone movie.

Kevin Nealon plays Bruce, Charlie and Phil's former boss, on a golf course. Cause ya know, bosses playing golf is cliche. Turns out, Bruce is the father of Crispin, one of the kids at daycare. Nobody saw that coming.

Mrs Harridman makes a complaint again, prompting child services for about the 4th time during the duration of this movie, in the meantime, Marvin has lost "The Flash" a kid who refuses to take off a "Flash" costume. They find the costume, but not the kid...who is eating a cookie, without the costume on. They tried to make it funny, by looking in places like the trash cans, toilet, washing machine, but come on...a missing child isn't very funny.

Anyway, he took the costume off, because he doesn't want to be Flash anymore, he wants to be Tony (and not Tony Stark)

Well, state regulations say that an in home daycare can't have more than 12 kids, and they have 14. They look at a new, bigger, permanent place, but that takes money, so they have a carnival, which Haridman sabotages. She then offers, if Daddy Day Care were to close down, to buy all his kids from him.

It does shut down, because Charlie is offered his job back, along with Phil, and Marvin, who apparently worked there too...apparently. But he realizes he made a huge mistake about 30 seconds later, when he sees a picture tucked in a folder that Ben (his own kid) drew.

So, they go round up the kids from Mrs Haridman's pre-school, and reopen Daddy Day Care in the new building, and yeah..the end.

Oh, and Haridman's becomes a traffic guard, and Jennifer (her assisstant) now works for DDC.

I think the movie had a good idea, they just went about it wrong, the gross out humor wasn't funny, and the sugary-sweet family-movie crap, was still over the top, and not really worth anything.

Steve Zahn does add something, but even he's not worth it to watch the entire movie.

I say don't bother, and the sequel "Daddy Day Camp" is even worse.