Home Alone 3 (1997)

I thought tonight, being I think last time we looked at the most depressing movie I could find, we would look at some slapstick.

John Hughes, late, great: known for such things as Home Alone 1 and 2, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and of course, The Breakfast Club (note to self: make a post regarding why I don't like that movie). And....*drum roll* Home Alone 3.

Home Alone 3 came at a point, where honestly, I don't think JH cared anymore, he was already rich from his many works with Molly Ringwald, and HA3 proves he no longer cared.

I will say, the first Home Alone, I wouldn't go as far to say that it's the best children's film of all time, but it ranks in my personal top 5 children's film, and the second, while not near as good as the first, still ranks in the top 10. HA3 doesn't even make the cut (and if you've seen it, I think the reasons are obvious), however, HA3 and HA4 happen to be guilty pleasures of mine (another note to self: review HA4 at some point).

Is HA3 a good film? God no. A mediocre film? God no. A bad film? Yes.


There are so many plot inconsistencies, and if anyone in the cast had a brain, the movie would fall to shreds. So, that being said, let's look at it. It's also worth noting it's director Raja Gosnell's debut, which I might be able to forgive this movie, if it weren't for the fact he also directed the live action Scooby Doo, Big Mama's House and Never Been Kissed.

We open to our classic Home Alone theme, and our classic Home Alone style credits. Which is promising, for a little bit.

Naturally, because we're in a John Hughes movie, we're opening in Chicago suburb. I mean, Hong Kong.Criminal masterminds are discussing a microchip in which a person could essentially rule the world.

Which, brings me to my first, not so much a complaint about the movie, but just a general question.

There is an episode of The Fairly Oddparents in which our fairy obsessed teacher Mr Crocker is "cured" into not believing in fairies. But the magic of Fairy World is dependent on Crocker freaking out about fairies, so when he stops believing, Fairy World runs out of magic and plummets into Giant Bucket of Acid World.

Why in the world would you create just ONE micro chip that someone can control the world with? I'm sure one exists today, but wouldn't it make much more sense both practically and for security split everything up like Horocruxes, that way, maybe you have a CHANCE at catching the criminal before he finds ways to destroy the planet? I guess not.

We're now in Silicon Valley, California. Again, not Chicago. The criminals get the chip from some unknown guy, who will never be mentioned again, I assume he's in the military, since it's a military chip. Harry and Marv, I mean...Peter, Alice, Burton, and Earl. Sure. Hide the chip in a kid's toy car and head to the airport. Yeah, I don't see anything bad happening with that plan. And *drum roll* an old lady with an identical bag picks up the toy car by mistake, and guess where that lady is going? Finally, we see Chicago.

At about 8 minutes in, we're introduced to Kevin, I mean Alex. Sure. Who is shoveling Miss Hess' driveway, the woman who accidentally made off with the toy car with the chip inside.


And, Alex has the chicken pox. Which means no school, which means he can bug Mom all day, wanting things that even a sick child can get on their own.

So, the criminals, well Alice, anyway. Rents a nearby apartment, to be able to scope out the neighborhood better. She wears a wig, so she can't be discovered. Look, I understand wanting to be cautious, but you can't be discovered if no one knows who you are, and even if they do, I bet you'll take more precautions than simply putting on a diva wig anybody can find around Halloween.

Both parents have to work. Leaving him, HOME ALONE! Miss Hess, who is more of a grouch than Oscar the Grouch, would still make a decent babysitter when there's 4 criminals trying to steal a toy car, right? Okay sure, they don't know about the criminals yet, but Alex is still only about 8, most states have laws that say you can't leave a child home alone until a certain age, and I guarantee that age is older than 8.

Alex sees the criminals through his telescope and calls the police, but they get away before the police get there, and since nothing was taken, since they don't know which house the toy car is in, nobody believes him.

So, Mom has to go to work again the next day, and Dad has a business trip. Alex is left home alone again, and sees the criminals again. And calls the police again, but again they get away, and everyone, including his family, specifically his two siblings (one of which is a young Scarlett Johanson), make him the laughing stock of the entire neighborhood. Yeah, because your idea of a neighborhood watch is working out so well.

One of the criminals, can't get away in time, so he hangs his body horizontally from some rafters, and a cop LOOKS DIRECTLY UP AND MISSES HIM! Maybe we'd be better off Cheif Wiggum.

We get our first little bit of slapstick about 40 minutes in, when Alex rigs a toy car and a video camera to his tv to make a makeshift security device, but one of the criminals finds it, and tries to get the car, when he notices that it's the one with the chip, Alex floors the car, causing him to bump his head a few times, and stumble over the house, trying to catch the car, please. RC cars don't go fast enough that you couldn't catch one at even a walking pace.

Instead of calling the police, Alex calls inside the house where the criminal is, and has his brother's annoying as hell parrot talk to the answering machine as a distraction. Which honestly serves no purpose, because he's already distracted by a tv that Alex turned on with a universal remote. And now we have more slapstick with all four of the criminals trying to get the toy car that Alex drove outside the house, but it flipped on its side. ON ITS SIDE! IT'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE, JUST PICK THE THING UP.

They do, but Alex manages to get the car away from them, and opens it up to see if maybe what they wanted was inside, because no adult would have a need for a toy car, the chip falls out, and under a magnifying glass, he can read "US Air Force".

So, what does Alex do? Call the police? No. He calls the Air Force. Well, a recruiting office anyway.  Who naturally don't believe him, but take down the serial number anyway.

Alex doesn't start setting traps until about an hour into the film, after the criminals intercept a call to his mom, pretending to be Mom from school asking about a missing toy car, (which in turn, leads the criminals to Alex's house).

I think it's been mentioned before, but these traps are way too precise, if the criminals aren't standing in EXACTLY the right position, it won't work, but naturally, they are standing in EXACTLY the right position.

The criminals kidnap Miss Hess, who is walking over to babysit Alex (only after the mother leaves for about the tenth time) and tie her up in her garage. Leaving the door to back yard open, hoping she freezes to death, since this is a family film after all.

This time they aren't wearing disguises, really?

The Air Force, as in, not the recruiting office, gets word the the serial number on the chip, and while Alex pulls various booby traps on this (which are really just a rehash of the ones in the first one, none of which are worthy enough, or funny enough to be brought up with any detail), the Air Force heads to Chicago.

Another thing about the traps, in the first film, they were hidden pretty well, in this film. No, not so much, if the criminals would only use their brains and LOOK AROUND before walking around, they would clearly see that they're about to step in a Mega Blocks bucket full of rubber cement (Product placement, anyone?)

Alex pulls about the fifth switch-er-roo of the movie, and the head criminal, accidentally takes a Bubble gun, for this own.

Alex notices that the head criminal took his fake gun, picks up the real gun,, says "yikes" and throws it away. I'm not advocating gun violence, but Kid....there are 4 international terrorists in your house, I think a gun would do the job a lot faster than your booby traps.

The police come, and catch 3/4 criminals, but the head criminal gets away, like he has for the past 7 YEARS! All I'm saying is, if a kid can outwit a criminal, that you've been chasing for 7 years, you have a problem.

The parrot rides the toy car, into an igglo Alex made, the head criminal is hiding in it, there's also a ton of fireworks that Alex dumped in there, the parrot lights and match, and well....the boss isn't hiding for much longer.

And at the end of the film, the criminals get their mugshot taken, all with chicken pox.

Okay, so this film obviously doesn't compare in any way, shape, or form, to the first two, but it's loads better than the 4th, and I would imagine it's loads better than the 5th (which I have yet to see). But it will always remain a guilty pleasure of mine.

The jokes are lame, the writing is lame, the direction is mediocre at best, you can tell the stunts are fake, which makes some of the falls less funny. I would say, if you love the first film, skip 3,4, and 5. But if you kinda enjoyed the first film, 3 is just a rehash, jokes and all, so while you might not enjoy it as much as you did the first one, I don't think you'll loose anything on it. Other than a little over an hour and 45 minutes.

This film didn't add anything to the Home Alone franchise, but I'm not sure how it expected to. It took away what made Home Alone, Home Alone. (and I'm not just talking changing from "Kevin" to "Alex").

The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas (2008)

Tonight, I wanted to look at The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas" a 2008 Holocaust drama.

This movie is based off the novel of the same name by John Boyne, which I have yet to read (although it's on my list). So this isn't a comparison, as I have nothing to compare the movie to.

The movie is seen through the eyes of two 8 year old boys. One the son of a Nazi commander. The other, a Jewish prisoner.

Roger Ebert proposed " the film is not even attempting to be a forensic reconstruction of Germany during the war, but "about a value system that survives like a virus".

What  makes me leery to watch this movie was the fact it's about children. I don't hate kids, but let's be honest...typically children are fairly annoying in films. (Ethan Embry in Dutch, anyone?). Although, I will say the fact Vera Farmiga is in this movie is a silver lining. I've always known of her work, and always knew she was a rather talented, and sadly underrated actress. However, her performance on tv's Bates Motel is fantastic, and I think I can go as far to say that she's the force that holds that show together, and I was even leery about watching that show because Hitchcock is one of top 5 favorite directors, so to make something related to Psycho that he wasn't a part of, bothered me. and also, I couldn't stop thinking of Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates back in the early 2000s, that was a horrendous movie. The worst remake I've seen to date.

But, I digress. Onto the movie. 
 
We open with a quote from John Betjeman, an English poet. Childhood is measured out by sounds and smells and sights, before the dark hour of reason grows. Fitting, I suppose.

We open to Bruno pretending to be a airplane with his friends, running around the city that is covered in swastikas. Bruno seems rather oblivious to the fact that people, specifically Jewish people, are being arrested, and carried onto a large truck. I know he's young, but even infants can tell when something is wrong. Bruno just continues to play. Until he notices there's commotion in his house.

Bruno's dad, Ralf got a promotion, he's still a soldier, "just a more important one" and that means moving, from Berlin to Poland.

A few miles from the new house is a "farm" that Bruno can see from his window, and wonders why the "farmers" wear pajamas, especially after one comes into the kitchen to give vegetables to the family. Ralf responds with "those farmers aren't really people" which naturally, confuses Bruno further. He wants to play with the kids he sees, but he can't, because "they're strange".

However, a few weeks after the move, he's playing airplane outside and notices a gate outside of the house is left open, and being a kid, he's going to explore. Except Elsa, catches him and reminds him that the back is out of bounds. Hm, telling a kid they can't have something doesn't make them want it all the more or anything.

Bruno decides to make a tire swing, and one of "farmers" has to go gather the tire for him. Bruno falls off, and cuts his leg, but the "farmer" Pavel, bandages it up for him, knowing he doesn't need to go to the hospital, because he was a doctor before becoming a "farmer".

I really like the correlation between farmer and Jewish prisoner. I feel like while I'm sure being a Jewish prisoner is of course way worse than being a farmer, in a kids eye, they probably do look relatively the same.

Elsa comes home a minute later, and thanks Pavel, for helping Bruno. Which adds something to the character, of not only Elsa, but people in the era, who maybe didn't agree with the Nazi frame of mind, and there were such people, naturally. They just get overshadowed.

Bruno, and his sister Gretel get a tutor, instead of going to an actual school, in which the tutor does not want Bruno to read adventure books, because he wants him to start reading facts. The tutor gives him Deutscher Almanach, an almanic spaning from 1924-1937. Yeah, that's what kids want to read. While reading on his swing, Bruno notices the gate to the "farm" is open again, and fights the urge not to open it, but come on, he's 8. 

At roughly 30 minutes in we're introduced to Shumel, who is digging in the dirt while the adults build a new house. Once again, this would have never happened, he wold have worked, or been killed.

Nothing of importance happens for about 15 minutes, when Elsa smells the chimneys burning and Ralf's second-in-command mentions "They smell worse when they burn, don't they?" Elsa, then realizes what kind of soldier her husband is, I think she always knew he was a Nazi, but knowing and knowing are sometimes two very different things. Elsa begins yelling how wrong it is, and its done very well. But chances are, a wife would never talk to her husband, who is also a Nazi official the way she is. Nor a wife of a man who wasn't a Nazi, it just wasn't done.

Grandpa comes to visit, Grandma doesn't come because she's "under the weather" but Elsa knows is because she doesn't approve of what Ralf does, and makes a point to mention it. 

Kurt, Ralf's right hand man mentions at the visit with Grandpa that he is no longer in touch with his father because he left Germany to go to Switzerland. Ralf and Grandpa begin to call the father a coward for not sticking with Germany at the time it was needed most. Obviously, this angers Kurt. Pavel, accidentally spills wine onto Kurt's lap, and Martin takes his anger out of Pavel, you don't see anything, but in a scene like this audio is all you really need to get the emotions running.

Shmuel, is transferred to work inside the house, because he has small hands, that can clean the dishes. Bruno gives Shmuel some food, when Martin walks in and notices him eating, and insists he was stealing food, when he says that Bruno was his friend, Bruno rejects Shmuel, to save himself. It's a rather sad scene, but ultimately, not that uncommon, even today.

Bruno at this point, has realized his father may not be the "great man" he thought he was at the beginning of the film, but then he catches a propaganda film, that makes the work camp look like that summer camp from The Parent Trap. Bruno naturally believes it, and hugs Ralf around the middle, and is back to thinking he's the greatest man on earth.

Shmuel is still willing to be friends with Bruno after he apologizes for lying. Which is also a nice scene of how quickly kids are to forgive.

Ralf gets a call from home, Grandma died in a bombing, and so to add even more emotions to this movie, we are presented with a funeral scene.

Elsa convinces Ralf that Poland is no place for children to grow up, and Bruno and Gretel, his sister are moving to live with the aunt. Shumel can't find his father, who went to another "work detail" with some other men, and none of them have come back yet. Bruno really wants to make up for lying the other day, and decides the best way to do it is to help Shumel find his father, so he digs under the barbed wire into the camp. The only problem is, Bruno doesn't look like Shumel, so in exchange for a sandwich, Shumel will bring him some "pajamas"

Bruno and Shumel are looking in a hut for Shumel's dad (while Bruno's family looks for him in a panic). When it is raided by Nazis, and Bruno is stuck in the middle.

Elsa and Gretel realize that Bruno went to the camp when the notice a window open, and the sandwich dropped along the way. Elsa quickly gets Ralf, who is in a meeting regarding what seems to be "gas chamber capacity".

I think we can all see the writing on the wall.

When the Nazi yell for everyone to take their clothes off, Bruno and Shumel assume they're going to take a shower.

Unfortunately, by the time Ralf gets to the chamber to save his son. The chamber is quiet.

Our movie ends with Elsa screaming in agony over what happened. Ralf unable to process what happened, and a shot of the Jewish prisoners clothes.

I think this movie has power, and I highly recommend it, it does have a few historical inaccuracies but they can pretty easily be overlooked.

I also think it's message can still be applied today. But that it goes much deeper than "Don't hate someone because they're different".

Check it out, it's worth your time, and the kids do an excellent job. Something I wasn't sure if I was going to get to say.

Jawbreaker (1999)

Welcome to That thing called Film. It's a review blog. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I feel the need to point out, since this is the first post. I like all genres of film. I don't really have a preference either. I can watch John Wayne one moment and James Bond the next. So, when it comes to reviewing, there is no rhyme or reason as to how I pick the movies. I have a list of movies, I plan to watch (and it's growing constantly). It simply depends on my mood, and what's on instant netflix and hulu.

Tonight, comes a selection from Hulu. 1999's Jawbreaker. I was pretty leery about this film. I seem to remember watching it as a teenager (I was only 7 when it came out, and I had no interest at the time about high school related movies). And thinking it was simply meh. That was until I saw Heathers, a far better "Kill the prom queen" movie.

I don't think it would come to shock anyone if I said that Jawbreaker, is more or less a ripoff of Heathers. In fact, the similarities are everywhere. Aside from the fact Heathers is a far superior movie. I've also heard it compared to Carrie, something I've never seen. But I might this time around.

I also think Rose McGowan has real talent, she just lands bad roles, and that's not limited to Jawbreaker. Bio-Dome, anyone? Maybe she needs a new agent.

Anyway, to the movie.

So, we're introduced to our characters. Julie(Rebecca Gayheart), Foxxy, (Julie Benz) and Courtney.(Rose McGowan) and briefly, Liz. However, it's Liz' 17th birthday, and she is gagged with a jawbreaker, and chokes....because Courtney thought it would be funny. Yeah, your movie is nothing like Heathers. Director Darren Stein, nothing.

And this is more of an aside, but the opening credits go on FOREVER. But, even more...the credits play over a rather obnoxious song, shows the creation of a jawbreaker. Which I feel is a little redundant.

Our setting is Ronald Regan High School. Where, during school hours Liz is still in the trunk of the car. Courtney calls the school, pretending to be Liz' parent, and says she has the flu. Mrs Sherwood (Carol Kane) needs to give Liz' homework to someone, but Courtney is late, so Mrs Sherwood gives it to Fern (Judy Greer).

So, now we must race to catch up with Fern. *Dun dun dun* and I forgot to mention, they're staging it to look like a rape. Come on people, (aka: Darren Stein, who also wrote the movie) they had tests for that even in 1999.

Fern, hears everything through a door. So in order to keep it a secret, Courtney agrees to make her popular through a weird makeover montage scene. Fern always wanted to be popular. I guess it was her name standing in the way.

"I'm Fern Mayo. As in hold the mayo." Is an actual line from the movie. I can't decide if that's lazy writing or not. But hey, it got a grin out of me.

However, they change her name is Vi-LET. Because a fern is a plant...or...something.

And that brings me to my first official complainant about this movie. The writing is terrible. And not just terrible like "Oh, the writer just couldn't get what he was trying to say across to the audience." No, it's terrible like "Oh, I smoked some weed and then wrote down the first thing that came to mind." Terrible.

So, Vi-LET loves the attention she's getting, but wonders if it's worth to keep something like "The pretty girls in my school killed the prom queen" a secret.

Well, someone got suspicious because DUN DUN DUN enter detective Vera Cruz  (Pam Grier). And questions "Satan in Heels" AKA: Courtney, and honestly....."Satan in Heels" isn't that far off. At least Wynonna Ryder felt sorry about what she did even if Christian Slater didn't. Neither Courtney or Foxxy feel bad. Julie felt bad enough she's now hanging out with the "Art geeks" and as a band kid, I take slight offense to that. Well, I might if the movie was better.

I will say Pam Grier is somewhat of a bad ass in this movie, and she's one redeeming quality for this movie. However, she doesn't come into the movie until it has 40 minutes left. So, I wouldn't try and watch the movie specifically for her.

Okay, so now I have another complaint about this movie. DOES ANYONE HAVE A FREAKING BRAIN?????

Mrs Sherwood begins to talk to Detective Cruz about Liz and the day she died, and mentions how Fern went home with her work. Mrs Sherwood mentions that Fern has been absent for several days now, and wonders if Fern could have killed Liz.

Lady, all that changed was Fern's hair from scraggly brown, to wavy blonde....it's not a big enough change that you can't tell that it's still Fern. Come to think about it, everyone seems to be fooled by the new hairstyle.

I don't have a face palm picture strong enough for how stupid this is.

And enter Tatyana Ali (AKA: Ashley Banks) as Brenda, who befriends Vi-LET, because Vi-LET knows Foxxy, or something. It really doesn't explain why she just randomly pops up, but at this point. I don't care. And Tatyana Ali's only role in this movie is to prove that she isn't Ashley Banks, which obviously didn't work.

Now we get to meet Zack (who's character wasn't cool enough to get a last name) played by Chad Christ. He and Julie have a big heartwarming discussion about how Julie's "gig" with Courtney and Foxxy was just a sideshow, and how horrible it is looking from the outside. I will say, it's a nice scene. However, it doesn't save the movie.

Courtney meets up with Detective Cruz again and mentions that Liz liked to have sex with strange men she should meet at bars. Apparently one of those men is Marylin Manson, (who was engaged to Rose McGowan in 1999). This scene serves no purpose, other than to get Marylin Manson on screen. Let's hear it for bad writing! 

, Julie tells Zack, whom she has been friends with forever and a day, but it didn't need mentioning, until ya know, plot convenience. Anyway, she tells Zack that Courtney killed Liz, and naturally Zack freaks out. Although, his expression is a little bland for someone who just found out a classmate is a cold blooded murderer. (However, that might explain why Chad Christ hasn't acted in anything since 2001, and that was a tv movie).

Vi-LET is apparently getting in the way of Courtney's queen-bee-ness, and Courtney threatens to kill her. Cause ya know, why not? However, nobody dies, except Vi-LET's reputation, where everyone finds out the truth, that she's Fern, and everyone makes fun of her. Come on people, first you fall for the makeover, (which is really just a hair-over) and now you're surprised she isn't some exchange student? 

Julie and Zack go see Detective Cruz, who says they have a male who was leaving Liz's house the day she was killed in custody, of course, this isn't true. Apparently....due to Julie's impeccable detective skills, she infer that Courtney got some random guy to masturbate into the sheets to look like she really was raped.

COME ON MOVIE! JUST DO A FREAKIN RAPE TEST! But no, that would require brains, which even our detective doesn't have. We might be better off with Wiggum. And that's saying something.

So, earlier in this blog I mentioned that the movie parallels Carrie. No, it mentions Carrie.

Julie: She has to pay for what she did.
Zack: We could go to prom.
Fern: And on the the way we could go to the slaughterhouse and get some pig's blood.

Yeah, that's it. Nothing special, and it's forced as hell.

And, along with our cast of cameos, the Donnas play themselves, as the band playing at prom. at least the music is good. Too bad there's dialogue over it. 

Even a crappy movie needs some sort of a climax, so here's ours. Liz's mom brings some items over she thought Julie might have wanted. What's the incriminating evidence? A recordable picture frame that taped Courtney saying "I killed her. I killed the teen dream, get over it." Not the best, but hey, this isn't a great movie.

So, what do Julie, Zack, and Fern do with the picture frame? Do they take it to Detective Cruz?  Of course not. That would make them smart. They blare it over the loudspeakers at prom while Courtney is giving her prom queen acceptance speech. Which I suppose could be a parallel to Carrie, not a good one. But one nonetheless.

And the movie ends with Fern saying "This is high school detective Cruz, what is a friend anyway?" Is Courtney arrested? No. Just shunned in front of the entire school, which is apparently worse.

I've often heard that this movie is a spoof of Heaters. No, it's a ripoff. In order to be a spoof, it would have to be funny. Unless you just really like ripoffs, don't bother with it. The lack of brain cells from all of our characters, is appalling, and the writing it terrible.

It got a 7% on Rotten Tomatoes, personally, I don't think it deserves that high.